This is really embarrassing, the world didn't end. (That would have been cool, though.) I guess the Mayans and their special calendar aren't so special after all.

Now what? We need a post-apocalypse checklist. Stat.

Critically Urgent:

• Sober up. Clear thinking is needed! 
  
• Report new credit cards stolen 
  
• Sell Ferrari before payment is due 
  
• Work out alibis
  

Time Sensitive:

• Get going on Christmas shopping
  
• Blame everything on strange hypnotic spell cast by Mayan calendar at work/home 
  
• Buy Mayan calendar posters
  
• Put up Xmas tree
  

When Time Allows:

• Apologize to “difficult people” for recent heart-to-heart talk
  
• Repair damage from apocalyptic hook-ups
  
• See if you can still get New Years reservations
  
• Apologize to - spouse, mother-in-law, boss, client, pastor, snarky barista, hot barista, neighbors
  
• Delete impulsive FB posts
  

Also consider:

• Get tested for STDs
  
• Start flossing again
  
• Go on a diet
  
• Pay Ferarri speeding tix
  

That recent post of mine was a huge mistake. I hope this helps to make up for it. 

Helpful reminder about the Apocalypse
In case you haven't heard, the world is going to end this month - December 21st to be exact (not sure what time).
We have the Mayan calendar to thank for this.
What to do?
Here are some helpful suggestions:

• Since money is no problem - max out your ATM and credit cards. Hell, get more credit cards!
  
• Forget Christmas shopping; no need - buy yourself a hot car (Ferrari?)
  
• You are under a deadline - so, party like Lindsey Lohan/Charlie Sheen 
  
• Screw the veggie burgers, exercise and flossing
  
• Go ahead and have that heart-to-heart talk you've been dreaming about
  
• Tell your FB friends what you really think about their whiney posts
  
• You get the idea - no repercussions, so nothing is off limits. 
  
• Literally, live like there is no tomorrow.