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Blog


I'm As Shocked As You Are

12/21/2012

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This is really embarrassing, the world didn't end.
(That would have been cool, though.)
​I guess the Mayans and their special calendar aren't so special after all.

Now what? We need a post-apocalypse checklist. Stat.

Critically Urgent:
  • Sober up. Clear thinking is needed! 
  • Report new credit cards stolen 
  • Sell Ferrari before payment is due 
  • Work out alibis

Time Sensitive:
  • Get going on Christmas shopping
  • Blame everything on strange hypnotic spell cast by Mayan calendar at work/home 
  • Buy Mayan calendar posters
  • Put up Xmas tree

When Time Allows:
  • Apologize to “difficult people” for recent heart-to-heart talk
  • Repair damage from apocalyptic hook-ups
  • See if you can still get New Years reservations
  • Apologize to - spouse, mother-in-law, boss, client, pastor, snarky barista, hot barista, neighbors
  • Delete impulsive FB posts

Also consider:
  • Get tested for STDs
  • Start flossing again
  • Go on a diet
  • Pay Ferarri speeding tix

That recent post of mine was a huge mistake. I hope this helps to make up for it. 

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Get Apocalypse-Ready

12/8/2012

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Helpful reminder about the Apocalypse
In case you haven't heard, the world is going to end this month - December 21st to be exact (not sure what time).
We have the Mayan calendar to thank for this.
What to do?
Here are some helpful suggestions:
  • Since money is no problem - max out your ATM and credit cards. Hell, get more credit cards!
  • Forget Christmas shopping; no need - buy yourself a hot car (Ferrari?)
  • You are under a deadline - so, party like Lindsey Lohan/Charlie Sheen 
  • Screw the veggie burgers, exercise and flossing
  • Go ahead and have that heart-to-heart talk you've been dreaming about
  • Tell your FB friends what you really think about their whiney posts
  • You get the idea - no repercussions, so nothing is off limits. 
  • Literally, live like there is no tomorrow.

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